Dictionary Word Fun

Difference between Meaning and Truth

Difference between psychotic and neurotic

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Not all corruptions of the English language are bad Says Jinx.

Reintarnation:

Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy:

Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti:

Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm:

The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte:

To take coffee intravenously in an attempt to avoid running late in the future.

Hipatitis:

Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis:

A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon:

It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Glibido:

All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect:

The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication:

Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Ignoranus:

A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Flabbergasted (adj.),

appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.),

to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma (n.),

a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade (v.),

to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.),

impotent

Negligent (adj.),

describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.),

to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.),

an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard (n.),

a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee (n.),

a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence (n.)

the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.),

a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.),

a humorous question in an exam.

Semantics (n.),

pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Rectitude (n.),

the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Marionettes (n.),

residents of Washington D.C. who have been jerked around by the mayor.

Oyster (n.),

a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.),

the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbatarianism (n.),

The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there

BLAMESTORMING

Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS

The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM

An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO

The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs

Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY

A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

SWIPEOUT

An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY

Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

IRRITAINMENT

Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE

The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE

The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404

Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

GENERICA

Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOFYS

Well Off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING

Surreptitiously farting while passing through a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING

generica

fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions as in "we were so lost in generica that I couldn't remember what city it was"

percussive maintenance

the fine art of whacking a device to get it working

square headed girlfriend

computer

treeware

manuals and documentation

um-friend

sexual relationship "this is Mary, my...um...friend"

world wide wait

WWW

Service: The act of doing things for others. E.g. "She enjoyed being of service at the local information center." As in Public Service, Customer Service, Service Stations, Telephone Service, Civil Service, Postal Service, Internal Revenue Service.

Screw: The act of doing things TO others. e.g. "the farmer was having a bull service a few of his cows." As in Public Service, Customer Service, Service Stations, Telephone Service, Civil Service, Postal Service, Internal Revenue Service.

yuppie food stamps

twenty dollar bills from an ATM

No wonder the English language is so very difficult to learn:

• We polish the Polish furniture.
• He could lead if he would get the lead out.
• A farm can produce produce.
• The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
• The soldier decided to desert in the desert, right after his dessert.
• The present is a good time to present the present.
• At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
• The dove dove into the bushes.
• I did not object to the object.
• The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
• The bandage was wound around the wound.
• There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
• They were too close to the door to close it.
• The buck does funny things when the does are present.
• They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
• To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
• The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
• After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
• I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
• I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
• How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
• I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

>Medical Terminology
>(for the layman)
>
>Artery - The study of fine paintings
>Barium - What you do when CPR fails
>Cesarean Section - A district in Rome
>Colic - A sheepdog
>Congenital - Friendly
>Dilate  - To live longer
>Fester - Quicker
>G.I. Series - baseball game sbetween teams of soldiers
>Grippe - A suitcase
>Hangnail - A coat hook
>Medical Staff - A doctor's cane
>Minor Operation - Coal mining
>Morbid - A higher offer
>Nitrate - Lower than the day rate
>Node - Was aware of
>Organic - Church musician
>Outpatient - A person who has fainted
>Post-operative - A letter carrier
>Protein - In favor of young people
>Secretion - Hiding anything
>Serology - Study of English knighthood
>Tablet - A small table
>Tumor - An extra pair
>Urine - The opposite of you're out
>Varicose vein - Veins which are very close together
>Benign - What you are after you be eight

Hillbilly Rim's Medical Dictionary
Benign.................What you be after you be eight. 
Bacteria...............Back door to cafeteria. 
Barium.................What you do with dead folks. 
Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome. 
Catscan...........Searching for the cat. 


Cauterize...........Made eye contact with her. 
Colic................A sheep dog. 
Coma...............A punctuation mark. 
D&C................Where Washington is. 
Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do. 

Fester............Quicker than someone else. 
Fibula............A small lie. 
G.I.Series.........World Series of military baseball. 
Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on. 


Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work. 
Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid. 
Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates. 
Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake. 
Node...........I knew it. 
Outpatient..............A person who has fainted. 
Pap Smear................A fatherhood test. 
Pelvis...................Second cousin to Elvis. 
Post Operative...........A letter carrier. 
Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery. 
Secretion.......Hiding something 
Tablet..........A small table to change babies on.
Seizure..........Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section. 

Terminal Illness....Getting sick at the train station. 
Tumor...............More than one. 
Urine...............Opposite of mine. 
Varicose............Near by

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

See:

• Quotes

The ability of the human mind to recognize mis-spelled words is a good example of the current division between software and wetware. +

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way. +

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. +

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
+

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. S

weetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day an cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

Now I know why I flunked my English. It's not my fault; the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Questions:

• Hate: Don't understand. "I hate you!" should be heard as "I don't understand you". "I hate you!", "What don't you understand about me?"

  Freedom: to starve? or to follow only ones own teachings? To believe ourselves free while following societies programming? To feed ourselves by exterminating species?

  Con Artist: A necessary avocation, following a moral obligation to separate fools from their money so that they will not influence the society in stupid ways.

  Government: The con artist that must appear to cull the stupid from the population it governs. "A population of sheep must begat a government of wolves". A group of lucky lazy people that may choose to cultivate the stupid sheep because they are easier to manage.

  Spirituality: Belief or admission that something supernatural may exist and have an effect on our lives. A belief system that allows one to feel as if others aren't as smart as they think without having to prove it.

  Prayer: A mantra or power of positive thinking (to self), cognitive therapy (to others), Writing / Public Speaking to increase ones ego.

  God: Anything more powerful than the individual. E.g. Any group of people, Gaia, a bear, etc...

  Worship: Showing respect for God. Admitting one is less powerful than a God. Kissing ass. Also placing responsibility on God and not ourselves.

  Church: A gathering of like-minded people; organized, which leads to power... which leads to corruption.

  Religion: An organized, codified, recorded, inflexible, perpetuated system of beliefs and actions offering an excuse to avoid self-discovery. +

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