Men vs Women

I knew a blonde that was so dumb:
~ she called me to get my phone number.
~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
~she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
~she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
~ she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
~ she tried to drown a fish.
~ she thought a quarterback was a refund.
~ she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
~ if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
~ they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
~ under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
~ she tripped over a cordless phone.<<< DON'T LAUGH IT'S HAPPENED!!! ~>>>
~she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
~ at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put 'Sagittarius.'
~she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
~ it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
~if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speachless.
~she studied for a blood test.
~she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
~she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
~she thought she needed a token to get on Soul train.
~she sold the car for gas money.
~when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
~ when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
~she thinks Taco Bell is where Mexicans pay their phone bill.
~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
~when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?
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• My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny Youngman
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney Dangerfield
• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- George Burns
• I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." -- Henny Youngman
• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -- Henny Youngman
• After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
• I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
• My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
• A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

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